The Invention of Lying

It's been a while since I've reviewed anything. Avatar left me so disgusted, I had honestly lost joy in being cynical. I am completely shocked, myself, that The Invention of Lying was the movie that got me back in the game. Allan said that he could tell by the look on my face 5 minutes in that I was going to review it. Here's why..

I rented this movie, because I've been a follower of Ricky Gervais since his role as David Brent in the original British version of The Office.  I wasn't hoping for much.  The movie wasn't very popular, in fact I only remember seeing the trailer a few times.   I have to review this from my personal perspective, because of who I am. Let me lay down a little back story. I am a terrible liar. I do sometimes. I learned that you have to out of tact and to not just be cruel, but often I don't even lie to make myself look better.

Within the first few minutes of the movie I realized that I am not just a crude person to be crude....I just don't lie.  There are also things that could just be left unsaid, as opposed to lied about.  I just say those too.  This movie begins in a world, with very little background, it's simply a place where no one says things they don't mean.  It is a quite harsh world.  Fiction does not even exist for entertainment. Movies are all just actors reading history from a TelePrompTer.  It  begins with Mark, played by Ricky Gervais, going on a date with Anna (Jennifer Garner). She immediately tells him that she is not attracted to him, but fears being alone so will go anyway. He should not expect any sex or even a kiss later in the night.

The next day Mark is fired from his job, which he is quite aware of, and everyone he works with has frankly warned him of.  After having an increasingly terrible day, something happens within his brain, which allows him to say something that "is not". In this world, words for truth and lies do not even exist.  He then finds that he can use this to get out of things, obtain money... basically what you would expect. What I liked about this that people were so used to the truth that anything he said was taken at face value. He didn't even need to be creative with his lies. People would just automatically accept his words as truth.

I expected this to be a movie, which would wear itself out with it's gimmick half way through, the rest of the movie would be spent chasing the girl who wasn't nice enough for him in the first place. She was just pretty.  It took a drastic turn, when in attempts to make someone feel better, Mark invents a place you go after you die.  He then is followed by the entire world.  He invents religion, because it makes people feel happy.  I think that any religious person would and probably should be offended by this. It implies that religion isn't real; that it wouldn't even exist in a world without lies. For a non-religious person, such as myself, this gives me a slightly better view of religion.  It's just a way for people to feel a little better about what happens, when they die, and gives them a reason to be good now.

The Invention of Lying is very consistently funny.  I was really impressed by that.  There are some great actors and cameos: Tina Fey, Ed Norton, John Hodgeman, Martin Starr, Jeffery Tamboor, and Jason Bateman. This is one of the only movies, in which I wasn't bothered that the nice guy was going after the "pretty" (if you can call Jennifer Garner that. Not my style but I'll move on...) but very rude girl. Because no one lied everyone was rude in one way or another, so why not just pick a girl and try to woo her?

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised. Gervais left many cliches out. He didn't drop his British accent, which really would have annoyed me. He is just a funny, fat, snub-nosed man, and I like him. It affirmed my belief that the overly polite are probably not thinking better things about you. They probably just aren't telling you.

ROCKY ROCKY II ROCKY III ROCKY IV ROCKY V

After a great wedding on Friday, my new husband Allan, and I decided to watch a Rocky marathon.  Here are some of the  wedding pics. There are 600 pics to go through. (It's a tough job).  We watched the original 5, skipping Rocky Balboa, pretty much because it wasn't free On Demand.  We met by setting up a date to watch Rocky, so it's a pretty special movie to us.

The first time I watched Rocky, I expected it to be another dumb guy movie. It isn't at all. Rocky is a nice guy, who is overlooked.  Up until the point that his grizzled trainer Mickey tells him the only reason he hasn't trained him, he doesn't get trained. He even loses his locker at the gym, because it's given to someone more important.  Adrian is a really shy, nerdy, if not homely girl, who works at a pet shop, and he falls for her, while he gets food for his turtles.  Somehow he sees potential in this girl.

He's obviously not intelligent.  He realizes this, but seems to have a good sense of humor about it.  When asked where he came up with the name the Italian Stallion, he responds "About 7 years ago, I was eating dinner and I just thought of it"  You can't help but feel sorry for him, as he tries to roll with the punches I no pun intended), as he is consistently told he is dumb and worthless.  He works as a "tough guy" collector for a loan shark, and he isn't even mean enough to break the guy's thumb like he was supposed to.  When Mickey the trainer, finally takes the time to train him properly, he berates him the entire time. The grizzled Mickey is almost never nice to him through the entire fight. One of the famous lines of the movie is "That's what I just said! Ya dumb Dago".

This movie isn't about fighting. It's about heart. Rocky isn't amazing, because he's a wonderful fighter. He's the underdog, and he doesn't even win in his first fight.  His promotional poster is painted incorrectly, and his robe is far too large for him.  He isn't expected to last more than 3 rounds with the famous showboat Apollo Creed, played by Carl Weathers.  He lasts through the 13 rounds, and while he's knocked down he does get up. Apollo only wins based on the judges points. His face is absolutely demolished.  His eye is so swollen they have to cut it open during the match so that he can see.  Yet when the match is over, he doesn't care about his own well-being, he doesn't talk to reporters. This is the moment where he calls for "Adrian!!!

This movie was shot in 28 days on a fairly low budget, and was actually written by Sylvester Stallone (a fact, which I only learned this weekend. This gives me so much more respect for him.  Although tons of men love the Rocky movies, I still feel like it is underrated as an overall great film.

The other movies are never as optimistic.   Rocky II begins with him going to the hospital for his injuries.  Rocky does propose to Adrian at the zoo in front of the tigers, which is obviously symbolic.  He attempts to do commercials to make money.  He is dressed in ridiculous costumes. He has so much trouble reading the lines, they have to stop shooting after four hours. This is when he says the line, "I aint punchy, I just got whatcha call a relaxed brain".  Rocky III is my least favorite movie.  Mickey dies.  He lets Rocky fight his first fight against Clubber Lang (Mr. T), while minimizing his chest pains. After the fight Mickey asks how the fight went, and Rocky lies telling Mickey that he won.  Mickey dies immediately after. (I'm seriously getting emotional typing this. Damn).  I'm not going into that one anymore, because I'm not a fan.  Apollo, his previous opponent, ends up training him and he wins. There.

Rocky IV is a fun film although even with a tragedy beginning, it really can't be taken seriously. Apollo fights the new fighter in town Drago (Dolph Lundgren.  He is a "machine" trained by scientific equipment to test his skills. His manager is played by Brigitte Nielson, and the two look oddly alike.  Apollo was not ready to fight Drago, and he is killed during the fight. While waiting to see the outcome of the fight, Drago responds to his concerns by saying "If he dies, he dies". Although Rocky has "retired", which he does at the end of almost all of his movies, he feels the need to avenge Apollo by fighting Drago.  The entire movie is based on the U.S. vs the Soviet Union to an embarrassing and somewhat offensive extent.  There is literally a song in the movie played while Rocky is training, which says something like "is it man vs. man? is it east vs. west?"  My favorite part of the movie is at the very beginning. It is Pauly's birthday (Adrian's brother who originally helps Rocky in the early movies, but eventually becomes a burden through most of the others'). Crazy 80's synth music plays, and Uncle Pauly's gift is a 5 ft or so Robot, which rolls in saying "happy birthday, Pauly".  It's hilarious.  Later that night, Rocky gives Adrian a gift.  He gives this to her by saying "Open your prize". It's adorable. Rocky beats Drago, yeah yeah yeah.

Rocky V is pretty lame, but I can't get through the beginning. After trying twice, I finally got through it this time. I always cry (and I mean hard) through this flashback scene with Mickey.  Rocky, who at this point has a ton of brain damage, which is acknowledged through out the film.  It shows Mickey being nice to Rocky for one of the very few times. watch the 3 min clip 

Yes I cried again through this part while making this blog entry. Before this scene Rocky has lost all his money, because Pauly signed all his money over to his accountant who fucked him over. He ends up back in his old neighborhood. He takes a young boxer under his wing, named Tommy "the machine" Gunn (no shit. real name Tommy Gunn). Just when he become good, he's taken away by a character based on Don King. The fight scene in the movie ends up in the back of a bar, where Rocky can win against Tommy, but his manager will not benefit from it.

All and all the movies do get cheesier. Rocky Balboa has been described as really depressing. I think this is said, by the people who only remember the scenes where he's running up the stairs of the Philadelphia Art Museum. The picture him in stills with his hands in the air. There is nothing happy about the original Rocky, not in the traditional sense anyway. These movies are about love, tragedy, heart.  If you haven't seen the series, I would suggest watching at least the first one. Many of you have probably seen these already. If so what's your take on the Rocky films?

avatar IN 3D!!!!!! with spoilers.

I did not expect to like Avatar based on previous reviews that I read, but out of pure curiosity I went and saw it anyway. It didn't seem right for me to complain about a movie I had only heard and read about. Most critics who haven't loved it, have complained about the simple plot. It's an obvious rip off of Dances With Wolves, Pocahontas, Fern Gully, etc. There were the obvious allusions to environmentalism and the war in Iraq. The words "terror on terror" and "preemptive strike" were used, and when the Colonel actually said "shock and awe" I hit my head. I expected those, but there was SO MUCH MORE!!! So I'll focus on the things that I noticed outside of what I had already read on Rottentomatoes.com.

Positive things: I thought the colonel fighting in the machine while Neytiri fought controlling an organic animal was fairly interesting. Michelle Rodriguez looked pretty hot flying. I also liked the fact that CCH Pounder was in it. I just like her from The Shield.

First of all, James Cameron really likes himself. He proved this by reusing his own material throughout avatar. It was like his own personal scrapbook of previous movies. He used his robots which humans control, much in the same way that was done in Aliens. The destroying and falling of the giant tree around 1:45 into the movie was much made in the style of Titanic. Jim knows how to make something fall, and he did it again. Sigourney Weaver got recycled. Our main fella Sully was played by Sam Worthington, who you may recognize from the latest James Cameron movie. I was most surprised, when it became night time in Pandora the glowing fauna was completely like the end of The Abyss. Now, I don't mind a recurring theme. I love Wes Anderson films, and he reuses actors like crazy. However, that's a style. Not just a mess. I'm going to need time to cleanse my pallet or I may never be able to enjoy the next Terminator movie.

I went into this movie wondering why people loved this incredibly trite movie. As soon as Sully, played by the mediocre Sam Worthington, got into his avatar I knew. Sully is paralyzed from the waist down. Once inside the avatar, he bypasses all of the scientist's exercises and stands up (completely knowing how to use his body, despite the fact that it's around 10 feet tall and has legs, which he hasn't used in years). He then runs out the door to the outside, where he just takes delight in using his feet. I turned to Allan and said "Oh, I get it! It's a children's movie!!" The other people using avatars have had years of training but he just MAGICALLY knows how to use the avatar immediately.

This movie could have been made better by explaining how the people who used the avatars muscles didn't atrophy to the point that they would not have been walk after months of lying down. It seemed pretty convenient that the day and night cycle on Pandora seemed to be similar to that of Earth. This was never addressed. They must just be running on a 24 hour cycle too. How convenient. The UNOBTAINIUM (no shit. that's the actual name of the material they are looking for) is really expensive, but we don't know why. At some point, late into the movie it is casually mentioned that humans have destroyed their own planet. We don't know what is going on there or how this UNOBTAINIUM would be able to help them, if at all. A little backstory might have helped, instead of the main character starting off by landing on Pandora. I'm glad the visual artists had such a great time recreating the scene from The Lion King, where Simba and Nala fall in love. All that was lacking was Elton John's "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?". I saw Giovanni Ribisi, who I LOVE,  play a bad guy for the first time and not effectively.

I also noticed that almost all of the Na'vi were played by African Americans or Native Americans. This was just another example of a movie where the white guy comes in and saves the black people, instead of them helping themselves. I found it offensive. This may not been quite as infuriating, if Cameron wasn't already trying to make an obvious political and social statement with this piece of shit.

The fight scenes were extremely predictable. Blows missed just at the perfect time and hits were always made at the exact moment they were meant to. Sam Worthington continually slipped out of his American accent. At some point Grace, the woman controlling an avatar, is fatally wounded, and the Na'vi ask the earth/god to put her spirit into her avatar permanently to save her. It doesn't. She dies. But this scene allows any asshole can figure out that Sully, who hates his crippled life, can and will end up in his Avatar permanently. The perfect ending. They just happen to have the capabilities to put him into this avatar. At least at the end of Titanic, Rose seeing Jack again could have been just her last thoughts, just something nice to leave us with, or the afterlife - if you really want to push it. Realistically even with all the disbelief in this movie this bothered me the most. Had all the humans left, I think Neytiri would have been left with a scrawny white boy in a chamber playing house in a big blue body. It would work fine unless, they ran out of human food to give him, the oxygen tank broke down, or his body disintegrated from his lack of movement. Is that the worst ending? We may not have forever, but lets take advantage of what we have now.

Talk about the "good" parts all you want, the negative overshadowed them by far, and made it so that these could not be appreciated. The Colonel's scars were perfectly placed, the bloody scenes were never messy, and even the destructive scenes looked carefully configured. As a person with an art background I do appreciate good visuals. Unfortunately a painfully poor and plagiarized story made this pointless. Really, I agree with my friend Brett who says he prefers the visually interesting to the visually stunning. I actually enjoyed looking at Clint Eastwood's expressions in Gran Torino more than any part of this. It was all just a little too perfect. I have heard compliments as to how "every thing was done perfectly down to each single leaf". That's true, but when I watched it I thought, wow all those leaves were made perfectly by someone, and I am watching something that isn't real". Btw, despite my cynicism I really like to get lost in movies, and forget that I'm watching something created.

I spent $9 and the only thing I got from this movie was a pair of 3D glasses. The photo below will now demonstrate both my anger and the one thing I have taken from the movie.

P.S. I don't think that 3D technology is impressive enough to be used in live action movies yet. The foreground, middle ground, and background were painfully visible, actually giving me more of a reminder that I was watching a movie. I could have just gone to a viewing without 3D, so I won't blame that on Avatar.



To wrap it up, if you like watching pretty pictures and don't give a shit about movies, please, go see this.
I just added $18 to the multi billion dollar profits, why don't you too?
Feel free to leave your comments. I love them.

Apparently the Vatican agrees.  "When a county that has a popemobile thinks your visuals are over the top, you probably need to rethink things?" - Brett Jackson.

The Ugly Truth about The Ugly Truth

***spoiled as milk***
Today, while cleaning my house I carried around my laptop and watched the chick flick The Ugly Truth. This movie stars Katherine Heigl as the uptight, frigid Abby who works as a producer for a local TV show. Gerard Butler plays Mike, the offensive, misogynistic, man who has a piece on her show where he describes how women need to be conquered, not completely different than Tom Cruise's role in Magnolia. His role in the movie is to coach Abby through meeting a guy and telling her what men really want and getting her the man of her dreams, Collin. Within 30 seconds, it was easy to guess the ending... she would hate Mike, but eventually they would fall in love, and the original love interest would become less attractive. I was not wrong.

This movie is offensive to men and women alike. It's obviously offensive to women, telling them how they need to become a certain way to please a man. There is no such thing as love only lust. They are only there for sex; no one cares what they have to say. Men, on the other hand, are portrayed as tough, completely sexual beings, who only find love once their tough exterior is broken through. That is our job as women, ladies. We have to find men, regardless of what we like in a man, we need to woo him. The entire first half is about how a woman needs to find out what a man likes, and it is never asked what she would want. Considering Abby is supposed to hate these ideas, you would think she might bring this up, instead of buying into the argument of what men want.

I can appreciate the fact that the Abby realizes she doesn't want her main love interest, Collin, because he only knows the Abby which she has shown him. This girl being a creation of Mike's advice. Mike plays a warped version of some sort of Cyrano De Bergerac, feeding lines to Abby through an earpiece. Mike, in turn, finds out that he loves her as she is. But let's get real... it's complete bullshit that we have to play these mind games to find the one that we want. I don't even understand why women enjoy this stuff. It's not funny, it's not idealistic, nor is it realistic. The "Funniest" scene of the movie occurs when Abby wears vibrating underpants with a remote control given to her by Mike. There is no reason that she would wear these out to a corporate dinner, even if it WAS supposed to be a date originally. It was so contrived, I couldn't stand it.

Shame on Katherine Heigl for making this movie. She has complained about the lack of good writing on Gray's Anatomy, which is completely valid. Although, I am a Judd Apatow fan, I agreed with her complaints of the movie Knocked Up. She said that the movie was sexist. That it “It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as goofy, fun-loving guys.” Women are often portrayed this way, and it's very frustrating. WTF, was she thinking taking THIS role, which showed her as more uptight than ever, it certainly wasn't funny, and it wasn't good writing. She just seems to keep finding herself in these situations she hates. Maybe she just doesn't get offered any good roles, and that's why she has to take them. If she's actually a feminist who believes in good writing, then she's an ignorant hypocrite for accepting a role in this trite bullshit.

**side note*** Allan has informed me that this review is not funny enough. I apologize to you, my audience, it's hard to laugh or smile after watching a "comedy" such as The Ugly Truth. This movie sucked all the humor out of my body, and left it filled with nothing but anger, spite, (and maybe a little gas).

Humpday Review (edited on Jan 6th)

I fell asleep at an odd time of the day, halfway through watching the movie Humpday.  I woke up and finished it today.   It was surprisingly filmed in an indie style with a sophisticated sense of humor.  Seeing that the main character Mark Duplass, the star from the FX TV comedy The League, I thought it would be completely slapstick.  This movie's plot somehow managed to make an average guy feel comfortable watching two straight men talking about how they would have sex together, in what was essentially a game of gay-porn chicken. I will add a disclaimer that this is my version of what an average guy is. Although I am marrying a mechanic, most of my male friends are gay, artists, or both.

The flow of the movie and the way that sex was handled really reminded me of James Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus (2006). The  lazy scenes where the characters open up about art, about sex, and "normal" boundaries of sexuality and touching are crossed were very similar in these films.  Both Humpday and Shortbus have reminded me of my early 20s, while going to art school. I would find myself in strange, surreal situations. Building a fort with two lesbians and a gay man, or finding myself in a four-person spooning train in my dining room. I appreciate the way that sex is explored within these contexts. It's graphic but not obscene; not offensive, but maybe just to me?

There was a specific scene in Humpday which was very familiar.  The couple is having dinner in a somewhat humble kitchen. The female lead comes home and the male lead is has cooked dinner for her, so that he can break some really shocking news to her.  The writing really emphasized talking about the food, drinking wine, and the dialogue is a little awkward, as dialogue is in real life.  This was very similar to a few scenes in The Puffy Chair, which also starred Mark Duplass and Kate Aselton (also from The League).  (The two are actually married).  If you do end up liking our little humping film, I would recommend  The Puffy Chair as well. These movies have a remarkable way of capturing the real life complex dynamics of couples. The over-the-top loving, followed by disappointment, or just outright screaming.  They actually gave me the "oh god I know that feeling", in a way that's more relatable than say a Kate Hudson chick flick.

**spoiler***
The ending scene shows the two friends in the motel room, attempting to make a porn. They first kiss, which turns out to be absolutely terrible. They enforce the Pretty Woman Rule. Then theys trip to their boxers and hug, comparing it to meeting an old friend, while you were at the beach. They decide to redress, and undress. They get in bed and talk about how there is basically no way this is going to happen. Previously, they did not know why they wanted to do it. They realize that they wanted to see if they actually could. Duplass' character realizes it's the thing he wants to do least in the world. His friend, the drifter, played by Joshua Leonard, realizes that he wanted to do it because this would be the first thing he has ever finished.

I found myself laughing out loud alone, while I watched this final scene. It turns out that the two actually made a terrific movie, exploring their intentions and desires. The final scene just shows Leonard's character rewatching the tape on the Sony camera and laughing. It was really the perfect place to stop, and left me very satisfied with the movie.

 I must also tell you that I may have a few days of vacation from this blog. I admit I have been lying about Allan being my husband. He won't be my husband for another three days. Planning a courthouse marriage, sure does take it out of you.... whew. Our weekend honeymoon is a planned Rocky marathon, because we met by planning to watch it together on our first date.  So you can look forward to some good ole Rocky talk later.

My Review on The Soloist.

It's hard to really critique the plot of a film based on a true story.  The facts are there. Questions you can ask:  Was this a good portrayal? Was this worth making a movie about the topic?  Was it well-executed?  Also, I will use spoilers since this is not only a movie review, but a true story.

I put up really tough defenses before I watched this movie.  I had read a story on an internet news site a while back that described Jamie Foxx having a personal breakdown and feeling crazy, while making this movie.   Due to my own mental illness (bipolar, general and social anxiety),  I realized that this could personally affect me.   I often feel like I'm losing my mind over small things, because stress doesn't affect me the way it does others.... this is not a support group... I will move on. However, this does mean  I can't review this movie objectively.

I'm already partial to Robert Downey, Jr., I adore his face and his ability to come back after an addiction to what we shall call "porridge".   Downey did a great job in the movie of making me forget I was watching him.  It could have been  made up injuries from his character, Steve Lopez's, bicycle crash, but as those faded I still just saw him.  He had a really tough job to work with acting with emotions around an obviously sillly-looking Jamie Foxx.    Upon seeing trailers for this movie, I actually thought "oh, here comes Jamie Foxx just lookin' for an Oscar", and so I personally challenged him to prove me wrong.  He won.  He really did seem just like an insane person, and it wasn't because of his stupid hair or outrageous makeup.  It was because he came through as a vulnerable, dynamic person, despite the image.   You didn't see this silly guy, you saw a guy trying to connect with someone, but held back by his own mental illness.

Realistically, this is a buddy movie.  But I watched a tale of human tragedy.   I just bought into it.  I could imagine how it would be hard to form clear sentences and not just babble words to remember who and where you were, if you were hearing a crowd of voices in your mind all the time.   I could also understand how frustrating it would be to try to work with and eventually befriend someone who is so strange, so emotionally fragile, and who has quickly become emotionally close to you. Lopez wanted to befriend him, but Ayers would turn on a dime for seemingly no reason.   Ayers would look at Lopez with a face that I read as "i'm trying, but I can't say the thing you want to hear".   He literally said "Steve Lopez is my God" and did not want to let him down.  I've been on both sides of this.  I've seen myself disintegrate, and I've watched others attach to me before I was ready.  I have had to just trust that others would understand, when I couldn't tell them what I needed or how much they meant.

 I'm not a music person.  Classical music does nothing for me. I feel uncomfortable when I watch the physical emotions that cellists display when they play, because I do not relate to it.  Keeping that in mind...  I loved the acting, because I didn't really think about it.  I am only now looking back at it.  I just felt moved by the characters.  I thought the scenes were beautifully shot. Particularly the scene where Nathaniel Ayers is lying on his "bed" in a hole in a building with rats and telling Steve Lopez about himself.

 I really knew that this movie was good, when I thought "Nicole, do not cry".  This is the scene when Nathaniel has been playing a 2-string violin in the tunnel, by the cars. By calling his family, Steve finds out that Nathaniel was originally a cellist.  Steve presents him with a cello, someone donated after seeing a story written about him in the paper.  He has one chance to play it in the tunnel, before it will be kept at a homeless shelter for safe keeping.  Nathaniel plays it. He plays a really slow somber sounding song. Foxx's face shows the emotion, and you know that this is someone doing something they never thought he would do again.  Previously, Ayers had babbled on about the cars driving by  and the pigeons in the  tunnel clapping for him.   After showing his expression, his fingers, and Steve hunched over with his arms above his head watching him, they show the pigeons.  They do appear to be applauding him.  They do represent what he has talked about through out the movie.  He wants to play for the city, he doesn't want to be secluded or crowded.  He wants the music to be played for everyone.   God, I hate admitting that the scene got me, but it did.  It doesn't matter how the movie begins or ends; it's a true story. This scene is why this was a fucking good movie, and they should just hand him the Oscar now.


For a different perspective on The Soloist please see  my jaded husband' blog.

My First Take of Jersey Shore

I admittedly haven't watched this enough.  I'm the kind of girl who watches TV by going writing, drawing, or playing on the computer. I occasionally look up, when something I assume is interesting happens.   However, I just heard one of the girls say "I'm gonna knock a bitch up".  Apparently, drunk Jersey girls feel the need to impregnate each other.   I'm also learning that all problems can be solved by tanning, going to the barber and getting your nails done.  I watched an entire episode today and became more familiar with the faces. I'm starting to tell the men and women (other than miss "got punched in the face" snookie) apart. I really have to relate to these girls when they want to wear shiny outfits, dance, and fight skinny, blonde bitches .  I'm not even kidding.  When Allan got home today, I spoke in a Jersey accent for probably about an hour.

Real World Season 23 Begins (spoilers)

    There are now so many Real World seasons, it's virtually impossible to keep track of them all. Knowing that there are 23 seasons makes me feel incredibly old. I always liked London, Seattle, New Orleans. It still hurts a little that every person now has to look like a model. Puck would never make the cast these days. I used to wonder why the cast members were only thin and muscular, but eventually I realized it... they have to be this way, because they are not only picked for Real World and Road Rules, they are going to be in the challenges and duels.

    Anyway, I think I'm looking forward to Real World, D.C.. I was delightfully surprised by the fact that the suburban jock was bisexual and announced it, while they all were discussing how many sexual partners they'd had. My favorite scenes were the religious debates/discussions between Ty, the muscular black Atheist, and Mike,  the white, Christian bisexual. It was great to see an Atheist stand up for his beliefs, because often (and as seen on the show) Christians find it blasphemous, if you say something contrary to their beliefs. On the other hand, Atheists are not expected to feel offended when someone also says something contrary to their beliefs.  While Mike seemed okay having this discussion, Ashley the self-proclaimed "oxymoron" would not let it drop.  She confronted Ty by telling him he needed to drop it, however, as a Christian she could not let him say there was no God, without telling him he was wrong.

Here's my rundown on the characters so far:

Ashley seems to have the real-life personality of Rachel from GLEE.  She's the kind of girl who says "let's just stop arguing" and then keeps the argument going in her own terms.  Fucking pick one.   Andrew is intriguing, as the silly art guy, but I'm considered he may be a little too immature for me to actually enjoy his antics. I was  amused by his posed portrait of 4 of the cast mates.  He actually just took a picture of the girls' cleavage.  There are the so-called  rockers Erika and Josh, who will most likely have sex.  Erika is absolutely disappointing and boring for the "rocker girl.  With her red hair, she reminds me of Hayley Williams from Paramore without being completely vanilla, and I don't have much admiration for Hayley.    Josh could possibly be cute if it weren't for his face and his strange hair. It's a mixture of the Jersey guido haircut and a curly mullet.   Callie is a stifled vegan who seems intrigued by any possible outlet of creativity.  She reminds me of a girl from high school, who knows they want to be artistic, but doesn't know where to begin.  I'll give her this: at least someone WANTED the Ronald Reagan room. I was afraid someone would get stuck in it without realizing the awful connotation that would come along with it.   The only thing I've gotten from Emily is that she was raised extremely religious, now she isn't, and she's got a thing for Ty. :: yawn::

To wrap it up, I can't stop loving the Real World.  Realistically I love most crap reality shows out there.  I love the stupid moments where they walk in completely surprised by the interior of the house.  It always looks like EVERY other Real World house.  Fish tank, circular rugs, pop wall art,  brightly decorated bedrooms. No Way!!   I guess I just need to remember that  these kids were probably drinking from sippy cups, while Montana was fighting with her bf Vaj.

Public Enemies

     Today I completely intended to do a big review of the Johnny Depp movie Public Enemies. I took notes through about 45 minutes of the movie, but I couldn't even make it through. I love nothing more than a great gangster movie. I don't really like Johnny Depp. I love Christian Bale, but this was a snoozer. Just as the movie seemed like it was going to reach it's resolution, I checked the display... an hour left. I was very distracted by the large groups of white men all dressed in the same outfits, whether they were the good or bad guys. Even if that's what the real guys looked like, the acting was not enough to overcome it.  There were also the sepia tones, both created by the sets and editing, which washed the movie out.  The most exciting scene for me was a small cameo from Giovanni Ribisi, which totally left me get my hopes down. If you were really excited for this movie.... don't bother.  Don't even pay to rent it. Just wait for it to come out on demand.

 

Inglorious Basterds Review

Last night I watched Quentin Tarantino's latest film Inglorious Basterds .  I was both bored out of my mind, and excited on the edge of my seat.  A few years ago I watched an episode of Iconoclasts, where Tarantino described his style as jerking the audience off.  Throughout the years, I have watched him take this technique to the extreme. He likes to excite the audience and just before they "orgasm", he takes them back into a very serious/boring scene.  This means that Tarantino has begun to just stretch up to 20 minutes of completely boring scenes into his movies.  During these times, you know that THE MOMENT is coming. I usually like this kind of suspense, but his lasts so long, I find myself leaving the room to get myself a snack, yelling to Allan, "Just tell me if something good happens".   Even worse than this is Tarantino's constant self-referencing within his own movies, the fact that he constantly referencing movies in general.  In a movie like this, most  (or at least myself) will not even know ANY of the references.

     The actors were absolutely terrific in this film.  Brad Pitt was not just an American he was THE American.  He did not even have to speak to be hilarious. Personally, I love the moments where characters are introduced.  He excelled at these. He also spread them through out the movie.   Mélanie Laurent, a french actress, played the female lead.  She was absolutely fabulous as a subservient yet feisty woman, who was able to show wonderful subtleties and varieties of expressions and moods.  She was obviously Tarantino's replacement for the ugly/pretty Uma Thurman.  I was personally, smitten with her odd and lovely face.   I was overwhelmed by Christoph Waltz's performance as the main villain.  He is an Austrian, and reviewing his  history, until this, he has strictly starred in German movies.  You not only hated this character, because of the vile things that he did. You hated the way that he ate food. You would not want this man to touch you with one finger.  I could not ask for more.

      Despite all this complaining, I ended up loving this movie.  Every time I watch a Tarantino movie, I think he's not going to be able to redeem his boring parts until he does.  And when he does, they are absolutely fantastic. I would not have wanted to watch this movie in the theater, because we found ourselves rewinding parts just to re-watch them probably at least 15 times.   The violence and gore was perfect and did not disappoint.  The dialogue was witty and written carefully and thoughtfully.   Towards the end I had my fists clenched near my face in sheer suspense.  I was completely emotionally invested in these characters.

      I would absolutely recommend this movie to anyone who is not offended by subtitles or violence. The end of this movie absolutely gave me a cinematic orgasm.

My Favorite Things

I think the best way to get acquainted with my audience would be to share my favorite movies.  So this is basically a list of ANY of my favorite movies I can think of in absolutely no particularly order. This post change consistently as I begin to love new movies.

*Home Alone - got a thing for Xmas movies and John Hughes.
*The Great Outdoors
*Drop Dead Gorgeous -haven't seen it? rent it. Mockumentary about a MN beauty Pageant.
*The Godfather, and Godfather II- not so much with III
*Goodfellas & Casino
*White Christmas, and I'll just throw Seven Brides for Seven Brothers in there with it.
*The Wes Anderson stuff: Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, Darjeeling Limited, Life Aquatic (Rushmore is my favorite, but we'll touch on that later)
*Christopher Guest movies!  This is Spinal Tap, Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman, the last half of For Your Consideration
*Lost In Translation
*The Ref
*Welcome to the Dollhouse
*Punch-Drunk Love
*Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
*Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky IV,  and I can't make it through Rocky V.  I bawl my eyes out when it gets to the scene with the Mickey flashback.
* First Blood and  Rambo II
*Addams Family and Addams Family Values   (love that Thanksgiving scene)
*They aren't all Judd Apatow, but the following still go together: Superbad, Knocked Up, 40 Year-Old Virgin, Pineapple Express
*Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal,  not Red Dragon
*Uncle Buck
*Magnolia & Boogie Nights
*Sister Act, Sister Act II
*Zoolander
*Talledegha Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby & Anchorman
*Rocky Horror Picture Show
*Barber Shop &   Beauty Shop
*Friday
*Gran Torino
*Precious
*The Year Without a Santa Claus, The Life & Times of Santa Claus, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, The Night They Saved Christmas, 
* specifcally not Gettysburg
*Resevoir Dogs, Jackie Brown
*O Brother Where Art Thou
*Unforgiven
*Million Dollar Baby
*I <3 Huckabees
*Very Bad Things, The Hangover, Swingers
*Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park 2
* I'm really losing faith in Kevin Smith however, Clerks, Clerks 2, Dogma, Zach and Miri Make a Porno
*One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
*Fight Club
*The Usual Suspects
*Apocalypse Now, The Deer Hunter  &  Full Metal Jacket
*Forrest Gump
*Alien
*Saving Private Ryan
*Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill vol. 1, Kill Bill vol. 2, Inglorious Basterds, True Romance
*The Wizard of Oz
*Although Unrelated both Stand By Me & Lean on Me
*V for Vendetta
*X-men, X2, I'm pretty much furious about X-men: The Last Stand
*Orca: The Killer Whale 
*The Weather Man
*Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
*King Kong (2005)
*Rosemary's Baby  As much as I'd hate to admit it The Exorcist. This is because this movie frightens me so bad that I get scared at just the thought of it. That tells me it must be good and effective, but I still hate it.
*Crash (1996). If you haven't seen it, it stars James Spader, Holly Hunter, Elias Koteas, and Roseanna Arquette.  It is about a group of people who are sexually fascinated with car crashes.
*Little Miss Sunshine
*Mulholland Dr.

Introduction

      I'm a 25 year-old lady on disability.  With all that time on my hands, I watch a ton of movies. In fact, let's keep it real, I watched a ton of movies before.  I'm really picky, kind of arbitrary, and I've always wanted to be a film critic.  I can't promise that I'm any good. I can't promise that I will review the movies that you like. I will most likely not review movies when they come to theaters, hence the "Couch Baroness" title.  I don't necessarily have a love of any specific genre. I  both love hate chick flicks, action, drama, documentaries, comedies (both smart and dumb) equally.  I am a little prejudiced against animated movies, so just take that with a grain of salt.

I would like to think that I know a lot about movies.  Hopefully, this will encourage me to learn more about movies. This will definitely seal the deal, and no one will never want to play Scene It with me ever again.  I have a large deficit of knowledge of older movies. I just have a couple favorites, but sooo much more to learn.

I watch most movies with my husband, Allan, so I will probably quote him to give contrary opinions to how I feel.  You may read this blog. You may not. I may never write in this again. All I know is it gives me a place to bitch about my intensely strong feelings about movies and films (I believe there is a difference).  Feel free to correct me. Definitely argue with me.   I will love you as much as you love me.

Your newly titled film critic,

Nicole Steele

p.s. I'm totally going to review TV shows too... oops.